I found this to be utter trype and folly when I read it, but I felt like sharing it for a good laugh.
For added effect, I shall drop comments in bold to give it my own personal touch.
Is my man gay?
Published on: 2/7/09.
by GINA AIMEY-MOSS
BEING INVOLVED with a man living on the down low must be a woman’s greatest fear; or certainly something she wouldn’t believe could happen.
Unfortunately in Barbados, as elsewhere, it is not uncommon for men who are in a public relationship with a woman to be having discreet sexual relations with other men.
Although there is a growing tolerance for homosexuality, it is still not widely socially acceptable in Barbados. So, many men and women hide their sexual preference to maintain the status quo. Having a girlfriend is one way a gay man may try to keep a “straight image”. I’ve always said society begats its own ills so that point I must give her credit for, while noting the blatant omission of the term ‘bi-sexual’ in this entire article.
Sadly, this can have dire consequences if he fulfils his gay desires outside the relationship; for instance, his female partner may be unknowingly exposed to sexually transmitted diseases if her cheating boyfriend doesn’t use adequate protection. Because as we all know, only if a man cheats with another man is the woman in fear of contracting something. Which is part of the problem. Monogamy people! If you’re going to sleep around on your own accord so be it, but if you’re in a relationship with someone COME ON! Why be with that person if clearly you want to be somewhere else with someone else?
So, how can you tell if your man’s gay? This should be rich…
According to a young homosexual interviewed by the SATURDAY SUN, there are quite a few tell-tale signs, including those that would be considered clichés. These are:
* He cries at movies. Oh come on!
* He glances at men when they pass, especially the attractive ones. I’m on the fence about that one because it doesn’t mean he wants to bed the fellow.
* He has no qualms expressing, or even gushing, about how attractive another man is. Heterosexual women do it in regards to other women, why can’t heterosexual men? I think it’s just clouding the issue.
* He prefers anal over vaginal sex with you. Now this one affected me in a manner… if your man likes to stick it up your butt, that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s GAY although… I’ll leave it there for now.
* He has an intense interest in fashion and dresses very fashionably; is well groomed and is a little too knowledgeable about different brand names.That is ludicrous. What does looking like you have a job, disposible income and a mirror have to do with being gay? Just grabbing at straws now, clearly.
* He consistently compliments women about their clothes, hair and shoes, as opposed to their face and body. I suppose it would be more appropriate for him to say “Girl, you bubbies look real good!” Which does happen but that’s just disrespectful and not indicative of a heterosexual preference. Actually, having little regard for women can often be a factor in assessing someone’s homosexuality, depending on your school of thought.
* He makes a lot of flamboyant gestures with his hands when he talks. At this point I’d like to point out that some people are just naturally expressive with their hands and such a judgment is highly subjective because what may be flamboyant to you may be subtle to someone else.
* He brags about how many gays think he is attractive. *Headache* That… whoo… I don’t even know what to say there.
* He likes to watch or is turned on by gay porn. Unless we’re talking about some hot girl-on-girl action, the fact that your man is watching and turned on by gay porn and you are aware of this, re-evaluate the state of both your mental healths.
* He has a lot of homosexual friends. This is moot and irrelevant.
* When you ask him if he’s gay, he responds evasively as opposed to denying it. Meanwhile a denial is by no means indicative of him being straight so this too is moot.
These guidelines probably do apply to many men on the down low – especially the last three – but clinical psychologist Dr Marcus Lashley was quick to shoot down all of them.
“There is no absolute way to determine someone’s sexuality,” he said in a telephone interview.
He insisted there was no set criteria or prototype for the gay man and one could only judge on an individual basis.
According to Lashley, a man might display these traits because of his upbringing and cultural background, but not because of his sexuality.
For instance, the well-groomed, fashionable man might be “metrosexual” – American slang referring to a heterosexual who spends a great deal of time and money on his appearance.
Even the man who goes on about how sexy another man is may be expressing what he subconsciously wants for himself; in other words, he’s probably wishing he had six-pack abs like his object of admiration.
Seeing that there may be no real criteria that applies to all men on the down-low, your instincts may be your best “gaydar”.
So what do you do if you think your man is gay?
Make sure you’re listening to your intuition and not your paranoid fears. You need to ask yourself if you really think he’s gay or if you are subconsciously sabotaging your relationship.
Take a moment to meditate on this before you make any drastic decisions.
* ginaaimeymoss@nationnews.com
Barbados Fashion Week 2010 begins tomorrow, 22nd October and yours truly will be covering the event and chatting with some of the designers.
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