Ultraviolence – Lana Del Rey Gets It Right

June 19, 2014

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I’ve always been a fan of Lana Del Rey, from the first time I happened across her song Video Games while listening to the UK top 100 (don’t ask). I needed to know who this vintage siren was who understood my nostalgia towards life gone by while remaining fully present, in the present.

When I got Born To Die and I listened to it from start to finish I said “This is the most amazing sh*t I have listened to in ages!” Then came Paradise, or Born to Die – Paradise Edition. Again, amazing tracks. I was full and in love with the poetry, vocal stylings, controversy and audacity of an actual songwriter cooing about her life, love, her dreams and of course her flavored vagina! I wasn’t expecting her to release anything for a while and I resigned myself to that. Then West Coast came out all of a sudden and I bought it as soon as I saw it on iTunes.

West Coast touched me in a way none of her other tracks did before. The dual styled song within a song speaks to the sentiment of what the West Coast (California) represents to Americans but for me, it spoke to the West Coast of my little island and how I feel whenever I’m there – hopeful, ambitious, gifted, revered and almost worshipped. Life DOES get better, on the West Coast.

Ultraviolence as a title tickled me. I first saw it on her Instagram while trolling through my feed, I said “yaaaaaassssss bitch! Give it to me!” Upon regaining my composure I said I must get the album when it came out.

Hearing Ultraviolence was like hearing my unwritten journal entries being sung out loud by a voice that wasn’t mine. Here were my innermost thoughts and secrets being aired and reverberating through my bed from my subwoofer. I can relate to the album a little too much, more than even my closest friends will realize.

The toxic relationships, the unwavering love in the face of apathy, emotional retardation, indifference and general melancholy reminded me of my dedicated love, like St. Jude, the patron saint of lost causes, that still lives on to this day. A love that haunts, overwhelms and envelops.
F*cked My Way Up to the Top has replaced Cola in my mind’s default Tourette’s like song outburst. The gall of her! She is definitely controversial but it doesn’t feel deliberate. It’s simply honest and unapologetic (Hey Rihanna) and she makes real music about real life and real experiences. Some literal, some metaphorical, some lived and some witnessed.

The me of today feels about Lana Del Rey’s music like how the me of the 90s felt about Alanis Morissette. Having grown darker and more honest with myself and my pathology, Lana Del Rey is my new drug of choice.

And to the one person who won’t read this – Old Money is the song I dedicate to you, even if you change your mind I’ll come, come come.


Ender’s Game – A Review of Sorts

February 11, 2014

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I’ll make this brief:

Pure shit.

That is all.


The Human Race – what the hell was I watching?

February 10, 2014

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To say The Human Waste Race is the biggest bunch of c*nt I have ever watched would be an insult to c*nt, disregard the sincere efforts made by the people responsible for the alleged The King of Fighters movie (the one starring the clearly behind on her mortgage payments Maggie Q), and suggest quite fraudulently that I bothered to finish it.

Unlike Ender’s Game which I managed to complete, The Human Race is unwatchable beyond a certain point – once you’ve gotten past the hilarity of its sheer ridiculousness.

I hope you don’t waste your time, money or bandwidth on this piece of shit production.


Sin – the Cake: A Triumph!

January 23, 2014

Since I’m writing about it again it must mean the cake was a success!

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The cross between a rich chocolate cake and a velvety smooth cheesecake turned out better than I had planned, but as good as I had hoped. The reason for my skepticism lay not in a lack of faith in my baking abilities, no no, it stemmed from me never having perfected either a chocolate cake before and not even having attempted a cheesecake before!

That’s why in my earlier post I spoke to this ambitious endeavor without going into detail. I decided to throw caution and recipes to the wind and say “you know what, I know what good cake tastes like, let me make this batter to suit.” And that’s what I did.

I also decided that it made no sense skimping on the ingredients and wind up with what would have been marvelous cake had I only used better quality ingredients.

Cadbury Cocoa, Kerrygold butter, Wisconsin cream cheese (yes, there is other cream cheese in the world besides Philadelphia cream cheese), fresh eggs, full cream milk – all went into the cake. As for the frosting, I donned a French accent and used French butter and two types of frosting sugar to create a triumphant cream cheese frosting that melts in your mouth.

I baked a small one for a friend as a late birthday/dangerous anniversary gift (inside joke) and I cut the rest of it into big slices to share. The thing’s going fast though… I may only end up getting one slice for myself!

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Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit – Meh

January 21, 2014

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Look – this is going to be brief.

Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit is a fine example of when bad people happen to good movies.

This movie had potential that was never fulfilled. It went from “OMG this is gonna be sooooo good” to “ah? Da fuq am I watching” in a hot minute!

Quick breakdown of why I would give this movie a C.

Dialogue was lacking.

Character development was rushed leaving it difficult to feel for any of the characters.

The plot ran away from them and tried to be too big to be edited too short, to the point it seemed like a rushed ending.

The decisions made by these expert agents came across as silly and amateur not cool, as we want our super agents to come across.

Finally the movement – whether it was from the US to Russia or intercontinental, the ability to go from place to place in supersonic speed was illogical and a MAJOR plot hole.

I honestly was disappointed by this movie… But the popcorn was good.


The Secret Life of Walter Mitty – Why You Should Watch It

January 18, 2014

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I knew absolutely nothing about The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. Nothing. Other than that really interesting video of how the marketing budget was used to help feed the needy people of wherever touched by some tragedy. At that point all I knew was the marketing budget was pretty small.

At any rate I hadn’t seen a trailer or anything and had no expectations of the film. However I must say – it’s cute! Ben Stiller delivers in his unique way of charm and complete lack of sexiness that’s engaging and completely not intimidating. Other people star in it as well but who really cares about the other people. If you’re an imaginative person you could relate to the lead character (protagonist for you fancy bitches who studied literature) and his flights of fantasy. Some witty, some action packed but all very interesting.

The actual story is interesting but not the fastest moving of plots but it’s straightforward enough so just relax and enjoy the movie.

I’m less than an hour in and I am writing this recommendation so if it sucks by an hour and a half don’t get angry with me! It’s your own fault for minding the recommendation of a complete stranger!

My final word is a bit of an interesting tidbit – I own a ring similar to the one in the movie. You’ll know what I mean when you watch.


The Necessary Death of Charlie Countryman

January 16, 2014

This isn’t a review of the movie. This is just a random musing on the film. No spoilers here!

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I don’t know why I decided to watch this movie. That’s a lie. Actually one of my friends recommended I watch it. He had a copy of it on the flash drive I loaned him. I copied it and had it for days. I’m terrible when it comes to watching movies in a timely manner.

At any rate he kept insisting reminding me to watch it so I decided to give it a go. At this point I had several movies queued up to watch before this movie I knew nothing about but hey, 2014 is all about exploring different elements of life and that includes breaking away from sequences.

I fired it up and wasn’t expecting what I saw.

The Necessary Death of Charlie Countryman is an insane movie. Dark, beautiful, almost painful to watch but so present you just can’t imagine not watching it.

If I can only say one thing at this point, it would be – “you can spare the time to watch it. It’s worth the effort and despite how angry you will get at the main character’s utter and total stupidity, you’ll recognize you’re so captured by the entirety of the setting, the sheer LIFE of this movie, you won’t regret it.”

Tell me what you think when you’ve watched it!


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