Ultraviolence – Lana Del Rey Gets It Right

June 19, 2014

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I’ve always been a fan of Lana Del Rey, from the first time I happened across her song Video Games while listening to the UK top 100 (don’t ask). I needed to know who this vintage siren was who understood my nostalgia towards life gone by while remaining fully present, in the present.

When I got Born To Die and I listened to it from start to finish I said “This is the most amazing sh*t I have listened to in ages!” Then came Paradise, or Born to Die – Paradise Edition. Again, amazing tracks. I was full and in love with the poetry, vocal stylings, controversy and audacity of an actual songwriter cooing about her life, love, her dreams and of course her flavored vagina! I wasn’t expecting her to release anything for a while and I resigned myself to that. Then West Coast came out all of a sudden and I bought it as soon as I saw it on iTunes.

West Coast touched me in a way none of her other tracks did before. The dual styled song within a song speaks to the sentiment of what the West Coast (California) represents to Americans but for me, it spoke to the West Coast of my little island and how I feel whenever I’m there – hopeful, ambitious, gifted, revered and almost worshipped. Life DOES get better, on the West Coast.

Ultraviolence as a title tickled me. I first saw it on her Instagram while trolling through my feed, I said “yaaaaaassssss bitch! Give it to me!” Upon regaining my composure I said I must get the album when it came out.

Hearing Ultraviolence was like hearing my unwritten journal entries being sung out loud by a voice that wasn’t mine. Here were my innermost thoughts and secrets being aired and reverberating through my bed from my subwoofer. I can relate to the album a little too much, more than even my closest friends will realize.

The toxic relationships, the unwavering love in the face of apathy, emotional retardation, indifference and general melancholy reminded me of my dedicated love, like St. Jude, the patron saint of lost causes, that still lives on to this day. A love that haunts, overwhelms and envelops.
F*cked My Way Up to the Top has replaced Cola in my mind’s default Tourette’s like song outburst. The gall of her! She is definitely controversial but it doesn’t feel deliberate. It’s simply honest and unapologetic (Hey Rihanna) and she makes real music about real life and real experiences. Some literal, some metaphorical, some lived and some witnessed.

The me of today feels about Lana Del Rey’s music like how the me of the 90s felt about Alanis Morissette. Having grown darker and more honest with myself and my pathology, Lana Del Rey is my new drug of choice.

And to the one person who won’t read this – Old Money is the song I dedicate to you, even if you change your mind I’ll come, come come.


Ender’s Game – A Review of Sorts

February 11, 2014

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I’ll make this brief:

Pure shit.

That is all.


Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit – Meh

January 21, 2014

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Look – this is going to be brief.

Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit is a fine example of when bad people happen to good movies.

This movie had potential that was never fulfilled. It went from “OMG this is gonna be sooooo good” to “ah? Da fuq am I watching” in a hot minute!

Quick breakdown of why I would give this movie a C.

Dialogue was lacking.

Character development was rushed leaving it difficult to feel for any of the characters.

The plot ran away from them and tried to be too big to be edited too short, to the point it seemed like a rushed ending.

The decisions made by these expert agents came across as silly and amateur not cool, as we want our super agents to come across.

Finally the movement – whether it was from the US to Russia or intercontinental, the ability to go from place to place in supersonic speed was illogical and a MAJOR plot hole.

I honestly was disappointed by this movie… But the popcorn was good.


The Secret Life of Walter Mitty – Why You Should Watch It

January 18, 2014

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I knew absolutely nothing about The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. Nothing. Other than that really interesting video of how the marketing budget was used to help feed the needy people of wherever touched by some tragedy. At that point all I knew was the marketing budget was pretty small.

At any rate I hadn’t seen a trailer or anything and had no expectations of the film. However I must say – it’s cute! Ben Stiller delivers in his unique way of charm and complete lack of sexiness that’s engaging and completely not intimidating. Other people star in it as well but who really cares about the other people. If you’re an imaginative person you could relate to the lead character (protagonist for you fancy bitches who studied literature) and his flights of fantasy. Some witty, some action packed but all very interesting.

The actual story is interesting but not the fastest moving of plots but it’s straightforward enough so just relax and enjoy the movie.

I’m less than an hour in and I am writing this recommendation so if it sucks by an hour and a half don’t get angry with me! It’s your own fault for minding the recommendation of a complete stranger!

My final word is a bit of an interesting tidbit – I own a ring similar to the one in the movie. You’ll know what I mean when you watch.


90210 Is Garbage!

April 8, 2009

So I was updating Twitter while watching 90210 the New Beverly Hills or whatever, and it really hit me halfway through the show- It is utter and complete garbage!

Who really cares about the shrinking violets they call female cast members. The lead girl, what’s her face, is nothing cute. She looks like a weird prepubescent girl in an inappropriate sexual relationship with an older high school guy. However, apart from that really not significant fact, the show has no substance. So in last night’s episode, Brass or Copper or Silver had everyone paranoid that she was ready to jump off the ledge because Token Black didn’t react to the solo porn she filmed for him… (What the hell do highschool kids get up to these days?!)

And then there’s the knocked up college girl? I don’t know, she looks older than everyone else so I figure she works at the school in the cafeteria or something. Wait.. no, she was the druggie thief actress girl. Now, on a point of information, I believe the producers should simply add more cast members instead of trying to incorporate every childhood/teenage issue into 4 people, because in reality, they’d be dead.

Let’s run through the cast:

The Benjamin Button girl that is dating her former friend’s former boyfriend who she had a crush on many a moon ago at some swamp hangout whatchamacallit.

The Spoilt Bitch who is super obnoxious yet strangely normal and not usually involved in the dramz that everyone else seems to get involved in.

The Token Black kid who I think the producers had NO creativity in incorporating a black kid into this lily white inner circle. Yeah… adopted by the now principal, former student of West Beverly High. Funny enough, he is the same age as their natural born daughter. (BB Girl)

The Druggie Thief Actress Soon-to-be Mother who is planning on giving her child up for adoption which I think would be a great idea, seeing as how she is a druggie thief actress high school mother!

Semi-precious Metal who used to be the outsider dating the token black kid, little sister to the guidance counsellor/former student of West Beverly High.

The Jock in Question who apparently just broke up sorta with BBgirl and was dating spoilt bitch before. He really adds nothing to the show but he has muscles so he stays.

I refuse to discuss the adults any further than I did because they just pay the bills as far as the younger cast are concerned. Bleh.

I wonder what will happen next week.


Why Il Forno (Barbados) Wants Burning Down

July 17, 2008

I am sure those of you out there who are from Barbados or have visited the South Coast and dined up and down the stretch are familiar with an establishment called ‘the View.’ Famous for… um… Rihanna went partying there one night, that’s it! Anyway, because everything else about the establishment failed to be noteworthy The View closed down and the restaurant was rennovated by some Italian businessmen. Enter Il Forno- genuine Italian restaurant and pizzaria.

For a couple months I had been toying with the idea of venturing to Il Forno and see what it is they have to offer to the hungry patrons of the South Coast and I finally made it there this week.

Reasons for the burning:

  1. While waiting to be seated no one took notice of us for a few minutes to the point where we were not sure if we should just walk in and sit down or walk out.
  2. The person who seated us looked like that guy in The Machinist and I swore the temperature of the room dropped when he walked by.
  3. The waitress who served us was as pleasant as cold sore.
  4. When asked anything she gave half-hearted responses and was not very knowledgeable to begin with. (e.g. “That bottle there, is that extra virgin?” “No it’s olive oil.” not to mention “What does this dish come with?” “Pasta” “Yes, fine, but what type of pasta?” “Spaghetti” No, it was not spaghetti.
  5. The food was average at best and the wait time seemed too long for a simple meal of pasta and tomato sauce (no meat) and a calzone.
  6. The calzone was over-stuffed with ricotta cheese and made a mess when I cut into it.
  7. Who I suspect to be the owners or at the very least the managers of the establishment could not run the credit card machine because they did not have the code. The person who had the code was across the street at the bank making change for Il Forno and we saw him coming back after they told us to go along and settle our bill later.
  8. That person was then sent home for a week

The meal came to $48. The guy lost a week’s wage. Something about that doesn’t quite seem fair. Is it his fault that noone else has the codes? At any rate the situation could have been handled differently and it was the perfect ending to an unimpressive lunch.


Cashmere Mafia vs. Lipstick Jungle

March 18, 2008

I watched both with an open mind and am here to render my verdict.

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Left: Lipstick Lesbians Jungle, worst show on tv. Right: Cashmere Mafia the WAY better original.

I began watching Cashmere Mafia first, as it began airing first and was instantly drawn to its charm, wit and humanity. Sure it’s about people far above the average income level but their lives aren’t charmed by any stretch of the imagination. It has this degree of plausibility to it and the situations they get themselves into seem to have a reason behind them. Very well written, directed, produced and acted. Excellent and complementing ensemble cast. When I watched Lipstick Jungle I thought, this is a cheap glossless Cashmere Mafia rip off! The show SUCKS! The writing is poor, the acting is forced at best and the direction is aimless. I HATED it. When I heard that reviewers (who I refuse to even give validation by referencing them) said Lipstick is better then Cashmere I thought to myself they HAD to be getting paid to spout that drivel. Worse is that Lipstick seems obviously patterned off of Cashmere but a poor facsimile that to suggest it’s better shows a lack of true critical thinking.

Oh and the Cashmere Mafia cast is hotter!


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