T-Shirt by Shontelle: The Parody

July 24, 2008

Lyrics by Superlative1

Hey, lemme drink it now!

Tryna decide, tryna decide if I,
wanna get drunk or high tonight I,
never used to get stoned without ya,
you’re the one who knows the deala,
period’s late period’s late but the,
e.p.t. gonna have to wait cuz,
it’s drinks free inside the Sno Cone,
fuck Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

Nothing feels right when I’m sober dude,
people always tell me I’m a lot more rude,
drinking a lot cuz it’s fun to do,
alcohol vomiting is awesome too,
getting shit faced nearly every day,
curled up in a ball forgetting yesterday,
how’d I get here,
With nothing but a t-shirt on…
with nothing but a t-shirt on…

Hey!

My liver’s gone, my liver’s gone I
Don’t really care I’m drinking on and
I got a hook up on the black market
Buy a new one behind the Target.
Surgery’s great, surgery’s great but
Recovery’s gonna have to wait cuz
My mind’s starting to feel loose,
Somebody pour me the Grey Goose!

Nothing feels right when I’m sober dude,
people always tell me I”m a lot more rude,
drinking a lot cuz it’s fun to do,
alcohol vomiting is awesome too,
getting shit faced nearly every day,
curled up in a ball forgetting yesterday,
how’d I get here,
With nothing but a t-shirt on…
with nothing but a t-shirt on…

Tryna decide, tryna decide if I,
wanna get drunk or high tonight,
My mind’s starting to feel loose,
Somebody pour me the Grey Goose!

Nothing feels right when I’m sober dude,
people always tell me I”m a lot more rude,
drinking a lot cuz it’s fun to do,
alcohol vomiting is awesome too,
getting shit faced nearly every day,
curled up in a ball forgetting yesterday,
how’d I get here,
With nothing but a t-shirt on…
with nothing but a t-shirt on…


Take A Bow Parody

July 20, 2008

I Don’t Know How by Superlative1
(Take A Bow by Rihanna Parody)

Why don’t you take off her draws,
Forget the libation.

You look so drunk right now,
pissing next to my house,
can’t mistake those bloodshot eyes,
drink that gin that i despise,
please, just shut ya mouth,

And don’t tell me you’re sober cuz you’re not,
baby when I know you could breathe fire, breath’s so hot

But you put on quite a show,
dancing on the table,
now it’s time to go,
you can’t drive you’re not able,
that was quite a show,
falling down the gable,
you’re not sober now,
Only served coke I don’t know how…

Grab your flask and get gone,
you better hurry up,
before my parents come home,
talking bout you’re okay and you feel fine,
nigga then walk this straight line,
please, you can’t stand up…

And don’t tell me you’re sober cuz you’re not
baby when I know you could breathe fire, breath so hot

But you put on quite a show,
dancing on the table,
now it’s time to go,
you can’t drive you’re not able,
that was quite a show,
falling down the gable,
you’re not sober now,
Only served coke I don’t know how…

Whoa and the award for the worst drunk goes to you,
For making your peepee,
On my tv
You S.O.B,
You’re so pissy now…

Why don’t you take off her draws,
Forget the libation.

But you put on quite a show,
dancing on the table,
now it’s time to go,
you can’t drive you’re not able,
that was quite a show,
falling down the gable,
you’re not sober now,
Only served coke I don’t know how…


Shontelle’s Official Website!

July 19, 2008

In my never ending attempt to reign atop search engine searches, I give to you, Shontelle’s Official Website!

That’s right folks, the T-Shirt crooner has finally launched her official website to handle the demands for information from her hungry fans. It’s still in its infancy but so far so banging. Of course yours truly is already a member;)

Cick here to access Shontelle Music.


Superlative1 vs. Random Trick

July 14, 2008

So I was meeting Maria (pictured in my blog) and Melissa (mutual friend) at Coffee Bean in Hastings for lunch this afternoon. While there I stepped aside to decide what I wanted and came back to order then all of a sudden this young lady wanted to start up now cuz in her eyes I came in after her so she should get to go before me, don’t mind I was with two people who got there JUST before her.

I started ordering and she was like “I’m sorry, who was here first, you or me?” I was like “I was with them” and she goes, “yet you came in after them” so I was like “that’s nice” and finished my order. Then she kept glaring over at our table, so i kept talking about how petty she is and she needs to let it go and when she was right by us ordering i said “You can dress em up but they’ll always be what? Ghetto”

Points to remember:
1) She does not factor into my life nor I in hers, what’s the big deal.

2) She STILL got her food before I did ANYWAY and

3) I’m pretty, I win!

Okay the third point not so mature but nevertheless valid. I wonder if she were at a fine dining restaurant if she would have gotten up and started a brawl with a table who placed their order even though they came in after her.

My only concern was that she was going to shank me in the parking lot like a prison movie…


Superlative1 vs. Cable and Wireless- Round 2

January 18, 2008

Below is a copy of the irate email I sent to C&W Thursday, January 17th, 2008.

“This email is to air my frustration anger and annoyance with the Staff and Service of Cable and Wireless bMobile. On Tuesday January 15th I purchased the handset which appears in the subject of this email at minutes to 9 in the evening at the Sheraton Center location. Despite having to deal with an unprofessional and surly CSR by the name of <Name Removed> (I assume from the scratchy handwriting at the bottom of the receipt) I STILL purchased that handset. I take it home and charge it as instructed and put in the memory card which came with the phone only for the phone to not access the memory card.
On Wednesday January 16th I take the phone to <Company Name> (the company I remember as being the licensed distributor and repair company for the phones that bMobile carries. I was specifically instructed to return the phone because the card reader was corrupt. PLEASE NOTE I bought this phone the Tuesday night, less than 18 hours before I took it to be looked at.It is at this point I am seeking redress because I am TIRED dealing with the rude and undertrained staff of Cable and Wireless in general and I am TIRED of being sold faulty phones as the last time I obtained a phone from C&W it ALSO had a manufacturer’s defect that phone was valued at <Figure Removed> The treatment I received when I went to take that phone for repair was deplorable at best and I am not in the frame of mind to deal with that again.
In other words, I intend to return this phone to bMobile where upon my arrival there is another handset waiting for me to simply insert my SIM and Memory Card into and leave the store. After the horror of the last transaction of this nature I do NOT want the phone to be repaired because I won’t be accepting that defective merchandise back. ALSO given the fact that the telephone CSR person put the phone down in my ears this evening after I asked her if there were any managers I could speak with to which she responded by giving me a 292-5050 number (which landed me BACK at the customer care center) then to see “Call Ended” come up on my screen I REALLY am not about to be appeased by guarantees of repair since it wasn’t even a DAY that I had the phone.
Feel free to respond to this email ASAP or to contact me directly at <Number Removed>”

However, I went there tonight and got it solved, and I met the NICEST CSR ever, she needs a promotion. She found out the problem on her own, rectified it FOR ME TO SEE and it turns out it was the memory card itself and she replaced it and doubled my memory at no additional cost:). I am to write an email lauding her efforts. I made sure to find out her name and have it on the back of the receipt. She really improved my night.


Superlative1 vs. Cable & Wireless

December 20, 2007

Yet again yours truly has been defeated by Cable and Wireless. I was on the telephone and online (I pay for ADSL I shall use it) when at the stroke of midnight I found myself being signed out of MSN Messenger.

Initial reaction- Curse words.

After that I thought what is this… the Y2K Bug finally hit my computer? It did happen at the stroke of midnight after all. Then I remembered this happened not too long ago and it ended with me calling Unstable & Worthless Cable & Wireless to hear all sorts of ‘possible solutions to the problem’ which eventually ended with “Sir, I was just told by my supervisor that maintenance is currently being carried out by our technicians.” So I decided to ask what time (if ever) they expected the techs to finish and I was informed, “We’re hoping sometime around 3am sir.” Did I mention I called around 12:20?

It appears as though this wonder ADSL (Actually Dial-up Still Lying) service that C&W is providing needs to be serviced quite often… Hmmm… no wonder I have to let videos load for a few minutes seconds before I watch them.

One day Cable & Wireless, we shall go head to head, and I will be victorious!


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