Recommendation for Republican VP Candidate

October 9, 2008

I present to you my recommendation to the Republicans as a replacement vice presidential candidate for Sarah Palin. Yes, a bag of marbles.

Twice as bright and three times as useful.

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Paris Hilton for President!

August 5, 2008

After John McCain’s used Paris Hilton in a smear campaign ad against Barack Obama, Paris Hilton queen of fame whoring and we all secretly love her for it, has taken the opportunity to throw her hat into the ring. Even going so far as to name her vice President, Rihanna!

Click Here to watch the ad.


Supermarket Time!!! *Repost*

June 12, 2008

WOO! So the wonderful Government of Barbados is yet again coddling its citizens. What a double edged sword. They’re working at reducing the cost of certain goods on the shelves of the supermarkets across the island. Funny enough I was having a two day discussion about the price increases and I felt I needed to share this with my well informed reading public.

The problem is, people fail to realise that the Government NOR the big bad food chains are responsible for increasing food prices per se. Another overlooked consideration is that with the Americanisation of the world as we know it since the advent of a million channels on the idiot box, everyone MUST have what they see, be it Olay Daily Facials® or Tostino’s Pizza Rolls.
The complication comes when you have to import these things as you all know there is no Oil of Olay factory in Barbados. We have a LARGE import bill because we are a tiny country and we don’t produce half of the things we need/want. How do people think they get here? Taking it away from the more luxurious items and bringing it down to grass roots level, let’s look at Sardines- a popular choice would be the brand Brunswick. Show of hands, how many of you out there have gone to the beach and felt the sweet caress of a sardine against your leg? For good reason, we don’t HAVE sardines in our waters. What then must we do to have our homes reek bright and early in the morning? Import!

Now, how does one get a tin of sardines from Canada to Barbados…? OH! I know, the wholesaler can make a paper plane and hurl it in the direction of Barbados. Now true I never made it to CXC with Physics but something tells me that won’t quite work for a variety of reasons. The fact is, we have to ship things to Barbados but Barbadians don’t seem to realise this. At any rate, I shall end it here and leave you with this to chew on.

Ef yuh wan to stan up in de people supamarket and spin roun looking at a hundred different boxes of Corn Flakes, yuh gun gotta pay for de luxury of superfluous choice.

Educate yourselves. Peace.


DLP Progress Report: 1st Quarter

April 18, 2008

So the first quarter of their tyranny governance is complete and it’s time for a progress report!

Achievements to date include and are limited to:

  • Bad mouthing the ousted Barbados Labour Party (counter productive)
  • Maintained the said BLP initiatives (hypocritical)
  • Gave a less than underprivileged celebrity land, an SUV,  and a title (overzealous)
  • Picked Snails (…enough said)
  • Increased the cost of living by removing subsidies on fuel including that used for electricity then coming on television declaring Barbadians should live more ‘conservatively.’

HA! I hope we’re proud of ourselves. Change, from bad to worse. Congratulations Barbados!

Vacancy
Wanted immediately to serve as shop keeper in kerosene oil lamp and candle store. Must have proven track record of sales, excellent written and verbal communication skills, a dislike for the usage of electronic devices and above average arithmetic capabilities.

Hours of work depend on available lighting.
Natural air/conditioned environment (Open windows and doors.)

A competitive remuneration package awaits the successful applicant, unless the wage increase as proposed by the Barbados Workers’ Union is approved.


DLP Launches Snail Picking Initiative

March 21, 2008

It appears as though the slightly used new government of Barbados has declared war on the Giant African Snail plaguing our island.

achatina-fulica-david-robinsoncornershot.jpg

In so doing they have launched what I call the Snail Picking Initiative which involves members of the general public assembling at 3 in the morning at Rock Hall, St. Thomas to pick snails . Given the fact that this said government has not rectified the public transport issues which have been brought to the table, I wonder how people are supposed to get there. At any rate, I guess that’s the difference between socialists and capitalists. Socialists would assemble a posse, rally troops, get uniforms to show their sovereignty and spend 2-8 hours picking snails one by one. Capitalists would make a call, work out a fee, and pay professional exterminators to deal with the problem.

At any rate, Click Here for a Giant African Snail Recipe I think may come in handy after the windfall I expect them to get. You know what they say, waste not, want not.


After the Dust has Settled

January 29, 2008

Late in coming, as all my posts have been of recent but I had to do this after the heads stopped spinning and the first set of dust has settled.

So the DLP won the elections 20-10 (maybe 19-11 if Rommel Marshall wins his court case… which we doubt he will so let’s stick with 20-10) and the BLP Head is now Mia “Nibbles” Mottley after Owen “See-more women” Arthur former Prime Minister handed the reins over to her contrary to public expectation that Clyde “Whoops!” Mascoll was named as Co-Leader. David “Giddy as a School-Girl” Thompson and his CAREFULLY selected group now have control of the government, all excluding the Wrong Dishonorable Dennis “Narcissus” Kellman was snubbed, to no one’s surprise. What a way to begin a political year. Ah… I hope to God, Allah, Jehova, what have you, I get my company off the ground before the BDS dollar gets devalued to something slightly above a buck fifty Guyanese.

Oh and to answer everyone out there asking, “Whose side is he on?” I say to you this “The same side you should be on, my own.”


Vacancies

January 16, 2008

Ah, the breeze of change is still a-blowing it seems. Word crossing my desk is that over FIFTY persons from the Queen Elizabeth Hospital have resigned today January 16th, a day after election results showed the Democratic Labour Party (DLP) made a crushing and slightly embarrassing defeat over the Barbados Labour Party (BLP- who had 3 consecutive wins over the DLP).

Also of note is apparently, the Barbados Investment Development Corporation (BIDC) has been vacant since last week. Though I am still researching these two matters I think it’s pretty safe to say it’s true.

Given the fact that the QEH as well as the BIDC are both corporations, at the changing of Government, members of these bodies have to resign. Which is unfortunate for the QEH people in particular given the fact that it has been roughly a year since it was transfered to corporation style governance. That would of course only affect Administrative not Medical Staff. Not that these people shall walk away with their long arms swinging, no no no! Rest assured they have some change to tide them over for a while.

Ah well… when wind blows dust is stirred, all that’s important will come when the dust eventually settles.

Updating résumé.